All Puns
616 puns and counting.
Bank TellerWhy did the bank teller push over an old lady? Because she wanted to check her balance.InventingInventing the number zero took no effort. It was nothing.AntsWhy don't ants get sick? They have little anty bodies.BooksI prefer lanterns over long books. I'm a fan of light reading.CigarettesTwo guys are on a boat with three cigarettes and nothing to light them with. They threw one overboard and the boat is now a cigarette lighter.BaconSmoking kills. Bacon kills. Smoking bacon cures it.Spare TireWhen a wheel deflates on your car. You retire.PianistWhat's a pianist's favorite sandwich? A Tune-a Sandwich.Black HolesIf you don't understand the importance of looking at a black hole, you don't understand the gravity of the situation.RiverWhy was river rich? It had many banksDead ToadWhen a toad dies, it croaks.Pirated CornHow much do pirates pay for corn? A buck n ear.BritainIf Britain left the EU, how much space would be freed up? 1 GB.IgnitionI get aroused by car keys when I use them to start my car. Such a turn on.PilotsWhy did the airplane pilot fail to land safely? He learned to fly by taking a crash course.WandersWhy were the traveling wanderers always happy? They were nomads.Solar EnergyI imagine using the sun for solar energy is a bright idea. I can't see it happening though.PaintersWhy is painting a dangerous hobby? You have a lot of strokes.ParrotsI bought a parrot yesterday. The reason? Speaks for itself!Tree WhistlesI bought a whistle made out of a tree but had to return it. It wooden whistle!WhistleUsing a whistle blows.StoneI carved a guitar pick out of a boulder. It is used for rock music.Holy WaterHow do you create holy water? You boil the hell out of it.AntsAre ants with male genitalia called uncles?