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617 puns and counting.

Not WellDavid21 December 2016The cat didn't feel well after falling from the window. She's feline down.CommunicationDavid21 December 2016The animal meowed for hours on end. It cat talk any other way.ConfusionDavid21 December 2016The crowd was confused by what the cat was doing. The cat then pawsed to explain it.Kid NappedDavid21 December 2016A girl's cat kidnapped her. It just whisker away.Alphabet SoupDavid21 December 2016I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever.Gives you the runsDavid21 December 2016Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes.Fig DiagramDavid21 December 2016A picture of 4 figs captioned Fig. 1-4, with a title of "Figs: A Diagram" Source: http://gemmacorrell.tumblr.com/image/131965947648PeppersDavid21 December 2016Picture of 2 peppers dressed up in winter attire. Captioned: "Chili Peppers". Source: http://www.gocomics.com/four-eyes/2013/11/25#.UpR_k6IAPJw.tumblrEating a PencilDavid20 December 2016I ate a pencil once. I digested that sucker the old natural way. Yes, it was in fact a number 2 pencil.SnakesDavid7 December 2016Picture of snakes on a 3D math plane. Source: https://i.chzbgr.com/full/3504429824/h1A501969/Phone sexDavid7 December 2016Having phone sex might result in getting hearing aids.SnowDavid7 December 2016Snow melting in the summer is Mother Nature liquidating her assets.WeldingDavid5 December 2016What's a welder's favorite music genre to listen to? Heavy metal.CampgroundsDavid15 November 2016Why can't you run in camp grounds? You can only ran. It's past tents.Past, Present, FutureDavid15 November 2016The past, present, and future all walk into a bar. It was tense.SausagesDavid31 October 2016Why doesn't anyone like jokes about German sausages? They're the Wurst.Cats pileDavid29 October 2016What do you call a pile of cats? A meowton.Orange juiceDavid29 October 2016I got canned from the orange juice factory because I wouldn't concentrate.Sober ghostDavid28 October 2016What did the Sober ghost say to his friends at the party? No Boo's for me thanks!NoncentsDavid26 October 2016I don't have any change on me, but I do have a dollar bill. It's noncents.Sea LifeDavid25 October 2016What sea life doesn't help others? I'll give you a hint, they're crabby, and they're shellfish.Smelly FeetDavid25 October 2016How do feet smell if they don't have a nose?Dull PencilDavid25 October 2016Writing with a dull pencil is pointless.BroomDavid25 October 2016The invention of the broom really swept the world.