All Puns
617 puns and counting.
ZipposWhat's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.JokesA well developed joke always has a photo finish.Red PaintI dumped a bucket of red paint on someone I thought was wearing a fur jacket. They weren't. I really mis-red the situation.RichI have a friend who's very rich. It's from all the fortune cookies they ate.BagelWhat kind of bagels fly? A plain bagel!HearingWhat do you call a protagonist with abnormally good hearing? A Super Hearo.MimesI saw an improv show the other day starring mimes. The performance and show was spectacular, but that goes without saying.BunnyWhy do bunnies get mad when they're covered in warm blankets? They always become hot cross bunnies.Karl MarxWhy did Karl Marx fail his grammar class in school? He couldn't capitalize.Speed BumpsI was afraid of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.Food ColoringI accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I'm fine but I feel like I'm dyeing inside.Trash CollectorI got a job as a garbage man, but didn't have any training. I picked it up as I went along.OrangesI tend to believe anything oranges say because they have a tang of truth to them.LawyerWhat should a good lawyer wear to court? A proper lawsuit.FriendsMy friends go with me when we try new foods. They're my taste buds.CabinetsI'll never sell things to cabinet makers. They're all counter fitters.FrequencyMy favorite song is played on the 50MHz frequency. You've never heard it before.Art DealerHow can art dealers afford their rent? With Monet.AcupuncturistsI don't trust any acupuncturists. They're all backstabbers.Skin SpotsMy doctor prescribed me an ointment for my skin spots but he wouldn't make any rash promises.FarmersWhy do Farmers like dubstep? They love it when the beet drops.ComputerWhat computer is really good at singing? A Dell.TrampolinesI wanted to use my friend's trampoline but they told me to bounce.ShoesI used to work at a shoe factory but got fired because I didn't put any soul into my work.