All Puns
617 puns and counting.
MorningI stayed up all night because I couldn't figure out where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.ConstructionI'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.UpholsteryMy friend fell into an upholstery machine. He was recovered.ChemistsChemists are great problem solvers because they always have solutions.SmarterWhich is smarter, longitude or latitude? Longitude, because it has 360 degrees.SleepWhat's the best way to see how long you sleep? By bringing a ruler to bed with you.LandlordsMy landlord constantly complains about feeling inadequate. It must be the complex he has.WeightliftingWhy are weightlifting competitions only held on Saturday and Sunday? The other days of the week are weakdays.MoneyMy friend makes a million dollars a day. He works at the mint.CookingI was a member of a top secret cooking society until I spilled the beans.PotassiumDo you know what the reaction sounds like when potassium comes into contact with oxygen? OK.FishWhat kind of fish helps you hear better? A herring aid.PansWhat's the biggest pan in the world? Japan.PumpkinHow do you repair smashed pumpkins? With a pumpkin patch!PumpkinsWhy is it amazing that pumpkins are around on Halloween. They're usually flat from being squashed.GhostsWhere do fashionable ghosts shop? At the boo-tique.PetsI have the oldest living pet in the world. His name is Peeve.LocksDid you know locks will unlock with your voice? That's because communication is key.GhostsWhy are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.GhostsWhy can't ghosts go trick or treating with friends? They have no body to go with.SkeletonsWhy don't skeletons get annoyed? They are unable to let anything get under their skin.TrianglesWhy are triangles always so agreeable? Because you can always see their point.OwlsWhat do you call a fun babysitting Owl? A hoot-nannyBeesI went bought a dozen bees from a beekeeper. I looked and saw I had 13 bees. Apparently it was a freebee.