All Puns
617 puns and counting.
ToothacheI told my dentist that I think I had a toothache. They told me it was all in my head.LuggageI told my suitcases that there will be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.BirthdaysWhy is your 32nd birthday always the shortest? Because it's only 30 seconds.LazyI'm always getting yelled at for being lazy. I don't understand why. It's not like I did anything.BillboardsHow do billboards know what to display? They communicate in sign language.BikeWhat do you get if you cross a bike and a rose? Bicycle Petals!CheeseI try to make cheesy puns, but everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.IndependenceWhen I moved out into my own apartment, I hung up a copy of the US Constitution. I call it my declaration of independence.LimosI spent many years doing limo repairs. After all that time, I've got nothing to chauffeur it.ClocksWhat does a clock do when it's still hungry? It goes back four seconds.OwlWhat's an Owl's favorite TV Show? Doctor Who, because it's a hoot.O-ChemOrganic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.AlphabetThere used to only be 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knows y.PiesA pie in the Bahamas costs about $4 per pie, but that's because they're stolen. That's the pie rate of the Caribbean.NeighborMy wife thinks our neighbor needs to stop sunbathing topless. Personally, I'm on the fence.Water BedHow do you make water beds bouncier? Add some spring water.TelekineticMy friend was using their telekinetic powers to do math on an abacus. They offered me a turn but I declined. It's the thought that counts.MilkA passerby just tossed an empty milk carton at me. How dairy?!BearsWhat do you call a bear with no teeth? Gummy bear.LaundryWhat state does the most laundry? Washington.DoctorsWhy do doctors like hitting patients' knees? They get a real quick out of it.CoffeeWhat kind of crime does a coffee report to the police? A mugging.Interesting AnimalsThe least interesting animal has to be the boar.EnglishDid you hear about the English teacher that went to jail? It was an incomplete sentence.